The Sacred Sex Talk (The RBDSMT Conversation)
An invitation to deeper connection, radical honesty, and embodied consent.
In a culture where sex is often disconnected from heart, body, and spirit — we invite you into a different kind of conversation. One that honors your truth, your body, your trauma, your desire — and the sacredness of relating.
This isn’t a lecture.
It’s not a set of rules.
It’s a co-created space to unlearn, remember, and reclaim what it means to be in loving, conscious connection — with yourself and others.
The RBDSMT Conversation is a guided framework we use to explore sexuality, boundaries, desire and meaning with depth, care, and authenticity.
🜃 What is RBDSMT?
A simple structure. A powerful map.
Each letter invites us into a deeper layer of awareness and connection:
(R)elationship
(B)oundaries
(D)esires
(S)exual Safety
(M)eaning
(T)rauma Response
🜂 This is for you if...
You want to explore sexuality in a way that feels safe, conscious, and sacred
You’re curious about consent beyond “yes/no” — and into the subtle truth of your body
You’ve felt confused, overwhelmed or shut down in intimate encounters
You long to communicate your desires, needs, and boundaries more clearly
You want to meet others in from a place of clarity, care and presence
✺ Why we use the RBDSM Conversation in our temple nights
Temple Nights is a sex-positive space — but only when sexuality is conscious and sacred.
This is our deepest commitment: that every touch, glance, or invitation comes from a place of sovereignty, awareness, and choice.
The RBDSMT Conversation is not a rule. It’s a Temple Art — a sacred practice that opens the heart, clarifies the field, and brings erotic connection into alignment with consent, intention, and care.
All Temple Night attendees will be introduced to this art.
We will teach it and practice it in the day program, and use it in the evening temple.
✧ Sometimes, the Talk is the Temple
Many times, the RBDSMT Conversation itself becomes the connection — the intimacy, the healing, the unfolding.
And the play ends there.
Because something real has already happened.
We honor that fully.
This is not a gateway to sex. It is a gateway to truth.
Whether the conversation leads to touch, stillness, laughter, or parting ways, it is one of the most sacred ways we know to meet another:
Consciously. Clearly. Authentically.
R – Relationship(s): What relationship(s) are you currently in?
We’re always in relationship. With ourselves and others. Spoken or unspoken. In this first question we honor this new connection by being fully transparent about our other connections.
✧ Questions to Ask:
– What relationship(s)/ connection(s) are you currently in?
– What agreements are you navigating within those other relationships that will affect this one?
– What are your expectations for this connection/relationship?
✦ Deepen your practice:
– Do I feel in relationship with my own body and truth right now?
– What is my pattern in connecting? Am I pleasing the other or staying true to myself?
– Do I dare to be fully transparent in my desires in this connection?
B – Boundaries: What are your boundaries?
Boundaries are not walls. They are bridges to deeper trust. They help us feel what’s okay, what’s not okay, and where we need space or structure. This includes emotional, physical, energetic, and time-based boundaries.
✧ Questions to Ask:
– What are your boundaries?
– What boundaries exist in connection to your possible other relationship(s)?
✦ Deepen your practice:
– What boundaries make intimacy more possible for me?
– What boundaries make intimacy more possible for me?
– How do I respond when someone sets a boundary with me?
D – Desires: What are your desires?
This pillar invites us to get honest about what we want — not just sexually, but emotionally, energetically, spiritually. Naming desire doesn’t require it to be fulfilled. Just honored.
✧ Questions to Ask:
– What are your desires?
– What is alive and vibrant in you right now in our connection?
– What turns me you on — not just sexually, but in life?
✦ Deepen your practice:
– What am I longing for in this moment?
– What would feel delicious, nourishing, exciting or edgy for me?
– Am I hiding a desire because I’m afraid of how it will be received?
– What is a desire I’ve never said out loud?
S – Sexual Safety: What is your sexual health?
Transparency is trust. Honesty is foreplay. This pillar is about sexual health — not just emotional or energetic safety, but the very real practices of caring for our bodies and protecting one another. Talking openly about STI testing, safer sex practices, and sexual history isn’t awkward — it’s loving. It allows us to enter intimacy with clarity, consent, and care. This is not about shame or judgment. It’s about creating a foundation where our bodies can feel safe enough to fully enjoy pleasure, knowing the risks have been named and held with maturity.
✧ Questions to Ask:
– When was your last STI test?
– What were you tested for — and what were the results?
– How many sexual partners have you had since that test?
– Were those partners tested? Do you know their status?
– What safer sex practices do you normally use — and which do you prefer?
✦ Deepen your practice:
– Am I being fully transparent about my sexual history and test results?
– Do I avoid this conversation out of fear of rejection — and what does that cost me
– Can I meet my own sexual health with love, not shame?
M – Meaning: What is the meaning of this connection?
We all carry personal, cultural, and relational meanings about sex, pleasure, and intimacy. This pillar asks us to look at that meaning — and choose it consciously. Sex can be sacred, playful, healing, magic, wild, devotional, or something else entirely.
✧ Questions to Ask:
– What does this kind of connection mean to you?
– How do you relate to intimacy — is it sacred, playful, healing?
– What does sex open up for you beyond the act itself?
✦ Deepen your practice:
– What cultural or familial stories shaped the meaning I give to sex?
– What feels most meaningful to me in intimate connection?
– Am I seeking sex to feel connected, to feel loved, to feel alive — or something else?
T – Trauma Response: What is a typical trauma response of yours?
The nervous system speaks before the mouth does. This is about knowing the difference between a yes and a fawn. Between curiosity and collapse. Between your truth and a trauma pattern. This part invites deep self-awareness, compassion, and non-judgment.
✧ Questions to Ask:
– What is a typical trauma response of yours? (Freeze, Fawn, Fight, Flight, Facilitate, Fuck?)
– How could it show up / look like in our connection?
– How do you want me to support you?
✦ Deepen your practice:
– What are my most common trauma responses in intimacy?
– How can I begin to notice and honor my “no”, even when it’s subtle?